Today the queen of cynicism has settled in my mind.
I cannot see my current reality and history from a cynical frame. I have worked a lot in the bar and it has been quite full, with noise, and people drunk; a bar. I haven’t been able to do meditation before going to work, and of course I haven’t had time to do the conscious walk.
From home to work. From one roof to another, and this one, full of drunken rock. In front of me I have another disco, 3 to be exact. They are rainbow discos and today is their day. They call it Gay Pride, but personally I think it should be called Rainbow Pride, because it is the day of the flag of diversity and communion in happiness.
It doesn’t matter how you want to love, dress, talk, call or get high. Here everyone is accepted and appreciated for their differences. Or so it should be…
I always have noise around me, so today my conscious walk has been interesting.
I left the bar at midnight, headed for Calton Hill in the gloom of this eternal sunset which is the summer in Scotland. No one was heard at first, but I quickly came across small groups of people smoking, talking. Others celebrating a birthday. Others life. As I walked I gazed at the views, the city lights cut out the shapes of buildings at night, and the light makes the overcast sky somewhat lilac. Thoughts have surfaced all the time, and I think it’s inevitable depending on how you are. I looked at the place and my interior began to think, to release ballast perhaps…
I found a bench and in the darkness I sat down and meditated for 15 minutes.
It went very well, something magical happened. There was a birthday party singing while I walked alone in the night darkness also some lovers on the lawn, but as soon as I started the exercise everything was silenced. My body relaxed quickly, jumped practically to the meditative state. There were moments when I was not aware of my body, of my hands, of the relaxation I got.
The night helps me to enter into a meditative state. A boy passed by, I opened my eyes to make sure that I was reliable, and when he passed by I continued the meditation, to which I returned practically immediately, focusing my mind on the action of “meditating”.
I finished and went home happy, more relaxed. Until I got home and in the middle of my night when I go to the kitchen I see two mice running to hide! I have screamed, like a fifi, like a loser who is afraid of an animal that she could easily kill with a slipper. The reason that every time the animal appeared (I think they had gone out to explore and had to return to the lair) was a few times, I screamed and moved involuntarily. How humiliating! I feel I have humiliated myself!
Scared apart, I feel darkly positive, I can’t explain it, but today I trust the Universe, that I have come to do important things in this life, and that will happen.
My reflexion today is that everything happens so that we learn a lesson. But if everything happens because of something, it means that even the smallest annoying accidents are also in “the plan”. In part I think so too; these small accidents sometimes delay us, make us change clothes, arrive late, or not arrive, but, on exceptional occasions, put us in the right place at the right time to find our destination.
Bona nit! I will meditate another 15 minutes at the end of writing to let the day go.
