Hard day. Everything went fine, I walked and looked around the world, took in the sounds and smells and light I’ve seen. I went to the lake, had a few baths, enjoyed the sensation of my lungs filling up and pushing me to the surface of the water. But I feel observed, I see many double numbers.
I gave myself Reiki while I was lying in front of the lake and enjoyed it like a sort of meditation on myself and how to overcome my pattern of love/hate for myself. I managed to maintain a cool mind even during an argument with my parents and we all got along ok for the rest of the day. I saw family, old friends and everybody was nice but I don’t care. It feels good but I don’t want to be here today.
I feel bored, annoyed by the pattern, consumed by it. I have energy that heats up inside me but I don’t know how to express/use/release it.
Just before sleep, yesterday, my body heated up way too much, not like fever but just plain fire inside, no trigger, not one that I can understand at least.
Something similar is happening again just now, although I cannot maintain the same focus, and I have lots of fast and random images coming to my head that I perceive as “lies”. I will try some more meditation before falling asleep.
