The precious gifts of a broken heart. The invaluable knowledge of a piece of your soul finally coming out and exposing itself. The love for life it gives, and the hunger for more.
The day was heavy and watery, inside and outside. Rain has been falling on and off, tears as well. This morning I woke up with no desire of getting out of bed, no desire for today to exist. Separations are like this, for me. I forced myself into a morning meditation of 30 minutes, and tears started running. As I do often when I need courage, I started singing a Durga Mantra, which helped me maintain focus and, eventually, calmed my brain and my eyes.
I went to work and started the heavy process of acceptance. After my shifts I ran back into my room to cry more. I didn’t cry like this in a very long time and it felt so sweet and so needed and so full of relief.
I went for my walk to Calton Hill under the rain in the evening, and when I got there it wasn’t raining any more and I could sit on my stone for a while. The wind was strong and the seagulls the only birds brave enough to play with it. The sun was strong behind the clouds, its light still coming through the thick grey.
Heading back to my room, I found a little star on the pavement. I took it up, it gave me hope. I put it with my other heart pieces and now I feel better.
Personal dramas like this would have made me hysteric and angry at life some time ago. Life events and the challenge are changing this. I lived today as a sacred experience and I am extremely grateful.
I feel full of love.
