Other long day, slow in starting as I slept poorly last night. Old skin is painful to loose, bit by bit by bit, it stirs the whole spectrum of sadness in a few hours, starting back as soon as the cycle is completed: longing, bitter, scared, hopeless, angry. And so on.
I did 15min meditation feeling relaxed and physically engaging with chi, although the pressure on my chest was strong. I worked and went to see an amazing Fringe Show with my sister, Susana and some friends, which was nice but didn’t stop the cycle… It kind of empowered it instead. I went for a long walk afterwards and stayed on top of my stone for almost half an hour completely alone. Calton Hill was romantic and peaceful and empty. I felt safe and my frustration was soothed while I was watching at the city lights, the Castle changing colours during the Edinburgh Tattoo Show, the crescent Moon coming up between the clouds in a huge, orange slice.
I think I’m completing something important in this sadness, in my love-life cycle. I’ve been thinking of my past relationships and I see that in a pattern I met (and said goodbye to) people that exposed and made evolve a specific part of me. In this order: physical, spiritual, psychological and emotional. I realized each of them made me appreciate a different part of myself that I could mirror and appreciate better in their attitude towards me. I know this frustrating moment will pass, although I wish the outcome would be different … For once. But I surrender to this learning, as well.
I’m back now, ready for more meditation and some Reiki, in order to sleep.
