The meditation today was still hard, I felt my thoughts and feelings closing in on me, and I wasn’t able to extract myself from my body, it was like a cape of darkness was all around me and the world outside was my prison. Then I tried the Ganesha Mudra (holding my hands in front of my heart) and I mentally intonated his mantra – Om Gam Gana Patayè Namahà. The outcome was almost immediate: my chakras lighted up and my thoughts and worries jumped into the background, while I was visualizing my home spiritually and started a good energetical cleaning. I feel free again.
I think what happens to me, when I’m home, is Fear. Because everything is so strong, so intense, so demanding, and because I feel so much so often, and everybody’s feelings around are so much heavier and harder to process. And I get scared to take it all in, I’m afraid I won’t be able to hold on to myself and this fear makes me lose myself.
I went out with Desy in the afternoon, we walked through the Stibbert garden, among Greek deities statues, lions and an Egyptian temple. We saw many butterflies and dragonflies and improvised a ritual to thank Ganesha for his support and gifts.
It worked out very nicely, we had butterflies indicating where to start the ritual, we found a marble table with an empty inside that kind of resonated like a Tibetan bowl, so we could add sound to the ritual.
We both felt very good an encouraged after it and the sinchronicities (that were already quite a lot during the conscious walk) transformed in pure intuition. We knew where to go and when, and ended up spending the night out and meeting random people in the empty streets of the city, making friends and living a different night-enreaching Florence, getting back home only at 5am.
Today, no Fear.
