Today it was hard. Surprisingly, as the beginning looked good: being my day off, I could spend it all on the things I liked most. I woke up and did 15min of meditation (I’m truly starting to love this habit), then I did some yoga… and I immediately felt disappointed and bored. Disappointed, as my body wasn’t responding to my expectations, bored as I have no patience with myself.
I went to the Salisbury Centre (www.salisburycentre.org), which is a spiritual and holistic community centre in Edinburgh where I started volunteering a couple of years ago. Even though I don’t have as much time for the volunteering as before, I still try to go every Friday to the shared meditation and community lunch.
So I tried my 40min meditation, which normally is very rewarding, but I was feeling uncomfortable instead, my mind racing to stressful thoughts all the time, my stomach burning and making it almost hard to breath.
People, lunch and all the other activities were ok, nice even, but in my state of mind I didn’t enjoy them. I drew an Angel card for an advise for the day, which was “Love is the key” and I dismissed it as just another stupid general sentence that wasn’t really saying anything.
I started my way back, doing the conscious walk and I realized I was doing it wrong again: I wasn’t observing the world and its signs, I was trying to build them up and see them anywhere! This because I was so disappointed with my day, and I wanted so bad to have something nice to say in the post of tonight, that I couldn’t just accept my mood. That’s when I finally relaxed a bit and just looked at the road and the park and the people chilling and going out for Friday night and being normal… and let myself be a bit sad. It can’ t always be a success, right?
Wrong. As soon as I accepted my mood and let go of the need of controling my day, boom: just in front of me start walking this girl with the same shoes I always wear, and with the same kind of string rucksac I always wear, and on the rucksack MY NAME.
And then I remembered the Angel’s card and it’s message, and I finally stopped blaming myself for not having had a great day.
I’m back home now, writing this post, and I’ve found love for myself again and I’m not sad any more.
