The power of NO.
When Will power is dormant and outside expansion is impossible, it’s time for the Yin energy to kick in.
We talk a lot about reacting, the strength of the individual, the courage to be rulers of our own destiny and choices. Sometimes, though, we are just stubbornly pushing towards walls that are there to teach us and shape us up into something we don’t want to stop and take the time to acknowledge. By “We” I mean “I”, of course, in the specific referring to my impatience and insecurity.
Sometimes we are called up to make choices and shape who we are by projecting who we want to be. Sometimes, to remember who we want to be, and not loose the way in the excitement of action, it is necessary to stop and say No.
A good No at the right time defines your boundaries, and deciding how much you want to be receptive reshapes your perception and sharpens your Yin inner insitinc. So my work these past 2 weeks has been this: choosing when to say No and wait. While it is NOT my favourite kind of self-work, as it makes me feel claustrofobic (I’m so fucking impatient), it’s been definitely improving my life by emptying it, cutting off old forms of self inflicted tortures that I thought I was strong enough to overcome. And maybe I was, but to keep going the old way, to make others happy, would have had me hiding who I feel I am inside. So this is it for the moment, empty and learning to recognize myself again.
My conscious walk was filled with Yin symbols: moons tattooed on people I was crossing in the street, butterflies, swans, shy animals withdrawing away from people and gaining their own space.
I went to Holyrood Park and kept going for another hour, reaching the top of Calton Hill and enjoying the heavy rain soaking me completely while I was sitting on my stone. I love the feeling of being washed away and reconnected to the Earth.
Meditation was split in 2 sections of 15minutes, just when I was awake and now, before sleeping. My unsatisfied mind wants more, but I will be patient and say No. Until tomorrow.
