The rave last night was strong and the energy raw, more brutal than the first time. We asked Kali to be with us, and she was, at least for me. I felt strong and freed and I wasn’t scared to scream or dance or liberate my voice, my body, my spirit. We went on the whole night and came back in the morning, when I took a shower and managed to go to sleep at 8.30 am. Only a few hours, as I was working at 2pm, so I put an alarm to do 15 minutes meditation before starting the “new” day.
The meditation was really good, better than the past week, and I felt strong and aligned and more at peace with myself. After work I had to run upstairs to cry again, but this time the tears were not aggressive or bitter: they were soft and full of relief, like something hard finally broke.
Discharging frustrated emotions into dance and voice is like an expelling ritual, and I’m very grateful for the whole experience so far, as I could see all the spectrum of sadness and how it goes in circle through Ego, back to spirit again.
I had dinner with my sister, who’s here to visit me, and I gave her Reiki. I also went out for a late conscious walk, after 10pm. The days are slightly shorter now, and it was already night when I started moving in the busy street and up to Calton Hill, slowly and Softly. I realizedy emotions lately have been so powerful that the conscious observation was all projected towards the inside, while I was scared to look at people and the outside world, scared of imagining things instead of just seeing them. I started to watch out for people feelings and movements again, still shy but with intention. As every normal Saturday night people were chilled and relaxed, and mostly going back home after shows or dinners out. On top of Calton Hill there were just a couple of big groups of tourists still partying between themselves, close to the monuments, but when I reached my stone I was alone and it was all for me for the most peaceful moments I lived in days.
Now I’m back and I’ll do some more meditation and go to sleep, all exhausted and Soft.
