Patiently passing through the day, I slowly enjoyed seeing my mind emerge to the outside world again. It was very tiring, especially at first, to let go of myself.
The meditation in the morning was not easy, but I saw some coulours: mostly greens and pink and bright orange lights.
I worked and went out with my sister for coffee, being able for the first time to really engage with someone at the same time as feeling my painful heart, which was not overwhelming all the rest for once.
I gave Reiki to her again, to help her with some issues she has with her feet. I enjoyed feeling the energy pass through my hands and tingling around. I left her for dinner, and went for a slow, peaceful walk to Calton Hill.
I didn’t rush, walked slowly behind the tourists, waited for them to move when there was a crowded spot, enjoying my mind bringing the attention all on the outside. I watched the hungry seagulls lurking around, on top of statues and cars, looking for leftovers to jump on.
I went to the top, sitting on my stone, resting my eyes on the pastel colours of the sunset. I saw an angel with wings drawn by the clouds in the sky.
I realized that all the pain of the past weeks wasn’t just to let go of things that didn’t work out. What I couldn’t let go of was myself, my now regenerating old self that I learned how to love so much, seeing it through the eyes of the wonderful people that were loving me.
When I started walking again, I felt the Reiki energy spontaneously activating in my hands and, as my Reiki teacher thought me, I simply put my hands in my pockets and gave myself Reiki all the way back.
Now I just finished 15 more minutes of meditation, the pain came again to visit me, through my heart and throat, and I gently accepted it and brought it into meditation with me, getting back to a strong spine and mind lightness.
I’m finally loosing the old skin, soon some brand new will build up.
