Another day drained in my heart. I wasn’t bothered too much. I am definitely going through an emotional withdrawal due to the overload of feelings of this last month. I only did a little bit of yoga in the morning, which wasn’t enough to satisfy me, but I had to go to work. Immediately after work I went out with Susana and Naomi, some outdoor clothes shopping to be ready for the next adventures. These should be exciting times, but I went through it in a cold and detached way.
I’m observant of my mood and I don’t fight it anymore, even when I feel anger or irritation, I don’t care for it. Nothing is important enough to bother me. I feel like my ears are blocked. That bothers me a bit.
I took a quick shower and walked up to Calton Hill for a bit of conscious (or mindful) walk. It was nice, familiar as a path, but with some kind of freshness to it. The wind was clearing off the mist of yesterday, the horizon was defined and the colours sharp. On my way I found a robin, looking at me from a branch halfway up from the top. A crow accompanied me for the last bit and a seagull, having a hard time flowing against the wind, kept me company for a minute while I was on my stone.
I went to see Susana at her place, where we worked on Psychenautics, as we didn’t do much this month and we had a lot to catch up on. Talking was easier than I thought. I feel empty, but somehow the speech flows and I know I say something that has some basis, although I’m not able to experience it as I used to. I know there is a meaning for all of our experiences, just right now I do not care for it. I just accept.
We did 15 minutes meditation with a Ganesha mantra and I felt like my body was expanding on the outside to become everything in the room. Strong energy was flowing through and into my hands and along the spine and my head felt light and like I wasn’t there any more. It felt powerful and full of light. There was nothing left of me, though. Susana said that I was scared to let go, but I wasn’t. I think I was sad to feel that nothing was left of me. But I really enjoyed the meditation and my annihilation.
I’ll do some more now, with Reiki, before bed.
