Definitely taking care of my body and surrender to my feelings. Nothing else I’m doing these days, and it feels right and sometimes I think I see it work. I feel in a more relaxed mood today, but also bored at myself: if I re-read my last posts they are just about an account of my moodiness… I miss passion! I’m active and do things, but oh I wish my heart would stop this disfunctional pattern of closing off, feeling no enthusiasm… even if I know it’s a just cycle, it’s hard not to get bired at myself. I suppose my work on self-compassion could use a bit more effort.
I did 15 minutes meditation just after work, and the mind was talkative, but I was able to ignore part of it and direct my attention to the heart chakra, which feels painful everytime I go there. But it’s ok, I’m getting used to it and it is getting used to me, so I think I’m on the right track.
I went for a long walk in the evening, taking the Royal Mile, going through London Road park and up to Calton Hill, the air fresh and vital, the segulls flying on my head, the traffic lights going green when I got at crossroads. I meditated 15 minutes on my stone and the connection was strong and immediate, my spine and my hands were bursting with chi flow, and I felt very strong, which also helped in ignoring the mind chat and the curious people coming around. I went down to my heart again and felt closer to myself I’ve been in weeks.
Let’s see tomorrow
